Monday, August 22, 2011

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
  • One bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch.
  • It's like comparing apples and oranges.
  • The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

We've all heard those old adages, but until I planted an apple tree myself, I didn't realize how many apples fall from the tree before they are fully ripened.  Like.   All.  Of.  Them.

I kid you not!  I have yet to pick a fully ripened red apple from either of my trees.  Between the squirrels, blackbirds, and who knows what other critters eating and destroying my apples, there are none left for me!!

This year I'm beating them at their own game.  I've been inspecting the dropped apples daily and keeping those that are unblemished to bake a dessert or two.  The other day I reached under a hosta to pick up a prime specimen and yikes!!!!! A dead squirrel was stretched out with an apple near it's head!

What in the world could have happened?!  A poison apple?  BB gun toting neighbor?  Bill came up with this scenario:

"Maybe it fell out of the tree and broke it's little neck."
Well, now, that response started me on one of my uncontrollable, eye-watering, wet-your-pants laughing spells.  What?!#  Those squirrels can do triple loop-de-loops while jumping from tree to tree and still land like a prima ballerina!  Can you picture a clumsy squirrel?  Nope.  Don't even get me going again!  That species does not exist!

I had to sober up real quick 'cause there's no way I was going to remove that stiff little carcass.  So, I said, "Yup, that's probably what happened."  And went in the house to finish my laughing in private.

Photo courtesy of Google Images.

To his credit, Medical Examiner Bill did come up with the most likely cause of death.  Sparky got zapped on the power lines overhead.  In the past, these squirrels have cut off power to the entire town by stepping on the wrong wire.  Probably with one of my apples in its mouth.

So.  I've come up with a new Forrest Gump-like adage:

"When life gives you fallen apples, make dessert."

Soon to be added to the Diner 911 menu:
Savory Squirrel Stew


  1. Maybe he ( the squirrel) was looking to eat one of the apples on the ground and another fell and and broke his little scull .

  2. Wow! That was a creative 'possible cause of death' from Sharon! ;0)

    I personally think he was actually a she ... Sleeping Beauty perhaps. Those darn poison apples ... oh wait - that was Snow White! oops. clever clever lady, Mom! heh heh. That apple crisp looks delicious!

  3. That is freakin' hilarious!!! Can I print out your recipe card to add to my recipe book???? Although would be the only person in our family to eat the apple crisp - if it doesn't have chocolate in it, they don't touch it.

    The apple crisp looks super yummy with the vanilla ice cream.


  4. Hehehe. Pretty creative, Mum! ;)

    And now I am craving apple crisp!!!!

  5. LOL...great post...but poor little squirrely.
    THANKS for coming by and leaving such sweet words for me!

  6. Ha Ha, super funny!

    I got your book! I got your book! It's SO good, thank you!!!

  7. I am reading your blog now from begging to end, which is why I'm way back here. I read about the tragic demise of Sparky, and it made me think of what a lady I worked with once told me. She was married to a fire chief, and so she had interesting inside information about stuff like this. She said sometimes, when the squirrels accidentally step on…(um, I can't remember what its called, I want to say transformer but that's probably not right, anyway it's something on the power pole that packs even more punch that just the lines) that they not only die, they sort…they sort of get ZZZAAAAPPPED and they FLY through the air for many feet, and land all charred and crispy. I hope you don't find this horrible, but the picture it made in my head made me laugh till I cried (another friend used to call this the ER sense of humor.). She said, "yes, you can see them flying through the air every once in a while, if you look". Think about THAT the next time you are out for a walk around the neighborhood. I always wear a hat, now.


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