Thursday, November 29, 2012

Size matters.

When I was younger, I'd jokingly tell my mother that
the older a person gets, the smaller their Christmas tree gets.

That is how I interpreted what I observed in our family.
Google Images

My Baba had the traditional lighted ceramic tree.
 No fuss, no muss.


Google Images
My mother displays a mid-sized tabletop model. 
Still a tree, but easy to manage.

Me?


Yes, I've still got the full size, too big for my house number.
If you knew what I go through every year to get that tree up and shining, you'd
truly be amazed!  In fact, the contestants of Survivor ain't got nuttin' on me!

Tree Retrieval Process at 911
After I descend into the Mancave, I'm forced to enter a very narrow
closet housing the 220 degree steam pipes.  I shimmy past those, while sucking
in my...... well, everything in fear of being burned.  And believe me,
I've got a few scars from past encounters!

Google Images
 If I make it safely past the hot pipes, I duck down to enter
the Hobbit Closet, which is a term that loosely describes the small space
 under our basement stairs where our tree spends the majority of the year.
 Unfortunately it's also the spot where I pile all the things
 I didn't know what to do with for the past 11 months.

 Yes, my tree is under an avalanche about to happen.

Wikipedia
When I finally get to the zippered bag and bins that hold the three parts
of my tree, I've got to carry the whole works out over my head!
It's the only way to get past the hot pipes.


And......
I have to accomplish this entire task without getting between the
cave dweller and his massive television!!!

Whew!

Every year I'm optimistic that I've found the perfect spot for
Too Large Tree.  I may as well come clean about what happened
last year as I was manhoovering (term used by youngest offspring to
describe how she had to park the big ole' car we gave her for college)
the furniture around to make way for TLT.


I blamed it all on those mischievous elves when it was actually.....

The Manhoover Maneuver
that broke the leg off my 22 year old couch!
I was dragging it across the rug and snap!
It has been repaired, but now that I've come clean, I'm hoping
Santa will deliver a new couch to 911 this year.
Although.......there is the curbside theft find incident. 

I'll be better next year, Santa.  I promise!

So, there really is a mathematical equation to figure out
what size Christmas tree your house should be sporting
and here it is:

Upper body strength + hip circumference x closet size - bank account % age = tree size

By my calculations I've still got a few years of tree hauling ahead of me, but
I'm planning for the future, and the trees pictured below are lookin' mighty fine!




I've shown you mine, and now I want to know,
How big is yours?
Vickie

28 comments:

  1. What a fun post! You had me laughing away at your antics. I too have a similar situation with my 'huge' tree. It's in the attic and such a pain that I haven't been regular about getting it up lately. I am thinking smaller.....

    What caught my eye on your post was my grandma's tree...same as your grandma's...only white. I think I am heading there but might try your mother's version this year or my Charlie Brown tree built from a branch and old kitchen utensils. Have a good one!

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  2. I have two. One that's seven feet with lots of individual branches, and the other is a slimmer, pre-lit tree that's super heavy. Both are in our garage attic. My husband gets them down. I am only putting up the slim one and a few small ones (tabletop). You are hilarious.

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  3. Vickie the process of getting our faux trees is almost as bad as chopping down a real one! But I guess it is good that we don't actually have to go out in the cold.
    xx
    Anne

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  4. Hahahaha. ;) At least once it is up and decorated, it stays that way! Mack has removed all the ornaments from the bottom of the tree....3 times. So now only the top 2/3rds has ornaments. ;)

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  5. You are a riot!!!

    I so loved this post, my friend! And I remember those little elves breaking that leg, too. Your header is cute with all of your Christmas pics - and love Santa! Did he "earn" those beads at Mardi Gras? ha!

    As for the question to your answer...from 2 inches on up to 7 feet. Many sizes..but few and far between this year, as we shared.

    xx

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  6. you make me smile so BIG!!!!! This was the best post, I have a small tree, 4 ft, since we moved here we have no room for a big one any more and I have the very same ceramic tree in the first photo!

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  7. Hee hee hee... good job on the tree retrieval! You should tie a rope to your waist before you head in or perhaps get one of those avalanche GPS thingies. Just in case.

    Those innocent looking elves and the couch leg -- I'm sure they're to blame for a few other incidents... one recently involving a pen and the laundry. They look cute, but you've got to keep your eyes on them.

    Your BIG tree is lovely. I'm planning on having one of those teeny trees in the salt shaker... but not for a few more years. Two years after you get yours I think.

    Good luck with this years excavation!

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  8. Ha... you had me laughing. My tree is 7 feet, so by my calculations, I'm 29! :D

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  9. This made me laugh. I feel like that with just my 6ft tree. It's still in the basement and may not make it up the stairs this year. I've gone with a small 4ft pre-lighted tree until I decide if I'm up for the big job this year! So I'm old (62) and my tree is smaller this year. Works for me!
    hugs, Linda

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  10. As I sit on the couch, drinking my tea, exhausted from all the moving and hauling of bins, your post made me lol. I think the equation is perfect :-)

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  11. Thank goodness I'm bad at math. But do tell, just how do you suck in your back side? I need to learn that man-euver pronto.

    Bliss

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  12. You are light years ahead of me this year. My tree has been up and lit for a week with no embellishment whatsoever, and, yes, it's just a table topper tree, not a big guy like yours. I hope Santa brings you what you wish for.

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  13. You are a Knutt with that big ole capital "K" but what fun you are. Of course I have an overly large tree. I cannot get it out of it's attic space in it's box. CC and I took it downstairs in pieces. It takes up 25% of the living room easily. I wish for a tall skinny tree but I have been wishing for the same body type for me too and never quite got it. xo, Olive

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  14. Your post made me laugh too. You are so cute and love this post. What we do to get the house decorated!!!!!
    Kris

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  15. Yep, I am one of those older ones now with a smaller tabletop tree. I do have more than one though. So funny ours is kept in a small hobbit hole, too. There is a door behind our coats in the foyer coat closet that I duck down and go in to drag all our stuff out and in a few more years that won't be happening anymore. I hit my head countless times this year. I do love the smaller trees though.

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  16. My grandma had that same ceramic Christmas and every time I see one I think of her. When I was little I loved that tree and watching the colors slowly change one to the next. Thanks for the memory!

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  17. So fun, Vickie! I also take my life in my hands getting to my decorations (which are under the stairs, too)! We just have a tabletop tree this year, with a near-two year old living in the house...next year we'll be back to a big one! Thanks for entering the giveaway!

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  18. Vickie,
    you are a riot! I have to go thru the same shannigans to get my 7' tree out of my garage, which is so full of "stuff er, treasures" there are only 2 very skinny paths, one on each side. My tree is in 3 huge, long boxes and since the path on this side has gotten skinnier (sp)? this year, it's going to take a real magic act to get it and the rest of my decorations out! Since I'm not good at math, it will be a while before I downsize! We couldn't keep those little ceramic trees in our store, they sold like hotcakes, and yes, I do have one that my sister made for me back in the 70's.
    Rebecca
    PS. thanks for the info it was easy directions but I'm so slow, I couldn't find the things it said to click on on the new blogger layout. I will keep trying! I thought I was "semi smart" till all this computer stuff!

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  19. Mine is tiny. It's a little three foot prefab tree from Big Lots. I bought it because I can duct tape the bottom to a table, which makes it less likely that the Cats from Hell will knock it over within 15 minutes of me putting it up. We're in the process of moving right now, so honestly I don't even know where it is at the moment, and I'll probably be the only person I know who does not put up a Christmas tree this year.

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  20. Vickie, I'm still laughing at this post. I can just picture you carrying that tree through the maze. Our tree is stored in our attic-and I've almost killed myself a few times trying to bring it down. Now hubby helps me, otherwise I'd probably be dead. Our tree is tall but skinny, we had to bend the top down to fit it into this house. Maybe it's time to downsize. Take care putting up the rest of your stuff-we don't want any mishaps. LOL

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  21. You are so funny, Vickie. Always enjoy your posts! We still cut our own large tree, mainly because I don't think my daughter would come home if we didn't!
    Mary Alice

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  22. LOL! Now when I was younger I used to think those ceramic trees with the lights were tacky. Now I wish I had one! :) Now your tree looks beautiful and sorry it's so hard to get up! You're a hoot, you know!
    Thanks for popping in to see me.
    be a sweetie,
    Shelia :)

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  23. Er, not nearly as big as yours, but I appreciate you risking life and limb to be able to share it with us !
    I like your mathematical equation but I use a different one -
    1 old geezer + loft = job done !!

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  24. Hello Vickie! Oh, you made me laugh a lot! I have a big tree -not as tall as yours- but I think I'm the only one enthusiastic about it now that my children are grown up. They think I exagerate a lot with Christmas deco but I have enjoyed it a lot till now.
    Besos for you and for those beautiful elves. BTW, I really love your new banner, the elves...that vintage wire basket...fantastic!
    Besos!! Silvina

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  25. Oh, I don't go for size, I go for numbers. Does that make me a tree slut? Actually my living room tree is very tall and takes two people to carry out of the basement. We put it in the crawl space once and my marriage is still recovering from that fiasco. Hope the elves finish up for you this weekend!

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  26. The tree! Every year I push it with all it's decorations on around my living room like maybe there is a new corner I have never tried it in...just to end up where I started. It's the traditions here. So glad you gave me the courage to share my tree weirdness. lol! You did good!

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  27. Oh Vickie, your post made me laugh!! I'm ready to ditch my old tree and get a new smaller/skinnier version. How old does that make me? Thanks for the giggles, Jean

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  28. I am a new follower. I love your blog.
    I fit in the older the smaller tree. I went from big to little trees....several little trees. This year I inherited a super neat bear hugging tree from my dear cousin that passed. It's about 4 feet and I love it. I have a scrawny itty bitty tree in my antique wagon and so far that's it. So much easier.
    Love your address.

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