The Mystery of the Ugly Christmas Sweater.

This post is rated M for mature audiences.

I normally wear a uniform to work, but this year somebody 
decided we should all wear an "Ugly Christmas Sweater"

to work on the day of our holiday potluck.

Why, why, why?

(Whining like an Olympic skater who's just been clubbed in the knee.)

Fashions come and fashions go,
but who EVER thought these abominations were fashionable?

Over the past year, I've become a member of the middle-aged post M group.

Ewwww.  I don't even like the word, but you know what I'm talkin' bout.
The Ma'am Club.  No more,  "Can I help you with that, Miss?"
....... unless of course he's trying to sell you a car.  :o)

.  I've come to the conclusion that there are only 2 positive things
 about going through this particular change and here they are:

1.  First and foremost, you are alive and kicking.  This is a biggie.

2.  You may be lucky enough to have grandchildren, and I'm blessed with 4.

Let's see, where am I going with this?  Yes, where the heck AM I going with this?

Oh, yes.

I worked with a nurse, now retired, who taught us "younger" gals

about the caterpillar effect that would someday overtake our bodies.
  Oh, how we laughed at her descriptions of what was to come,
never in a million years thinking it would happen to us.

Fast-forward 15 years.

   One day you reach around to rub your aching back and you feel it.
(insert Jaws theme song here)

Back fat.  Yes, back fat.  I said it.

It doesn't matter how much you weigh, it shows up like a mosquito in a tent.

A few inches lower comes the midriff bulge, followed closely by saddlebags.
  Blip, blip, blip.  Suddenly you've morphed into a caterpillar on legs!

Yikes!

Now that I've experienced the CE firsthand, I think I've unlocked the mystery

of who designed the very first Ugly Christmas Sweater.......

a charter member of The Ma'am Club! 

Think about it.  Nobody even notices the shape of your body because they 

can't look past the U.G.L.Y. you've got plastered to you torso!

Genius I say!
Let's add number 3 to the list.

3. Insight.

After searching far and wide, (our local Goodwill and Salvation Army have already sold out)
I found the first of many Ugly Christmas Sweaters I'll be wearing this holiday season

at my local Walmart.  Hurry out and buy one for yourself before they're gone!

She looks smokin' hot and I'm sure I will, too!

(Or maybe it's just because she's wearing a fireplace.)

What will you be hiding under wearing this holiday season?

This post has been brought to you by one hot-flashing mama!
Vickie

*You can find me partying at:
Common Ground Be Inspired